Balaji Appointed Bitcoin's Chief Marketing Officer

TOKYO — Amidst tumultuous markets, Bitcoin has apparently appointed Balaji Srinivasan as its new Chief Marketing Officer. The decentralized entity came to this centralized decision by meme-ing ordinal NFT’s on the blockchain in sequence to reassemble Srinivasan’s image in the aggregate, beneath which in alpha-numberic code was scripted, CMO.

Ordinals creator Casey Rodarmor commented, “Yeah, it was purely emergent behavior, almost like it came from the depths of the nexus itself… we started seeing what appeared to be pixelated bits appear in sequence, each minted as a digital artifact, and then one of the sleuths at reddit realized it was like one of those impressionist paintings you had to back away from to see it was a bowl of fruit. In this case it was Balaji Srinivasan.”

Srinivasan has wasted no time in light of a recent $1M Dollar bet he has made on the price of bitcoin over the next 90 days. Balaji appeared in sequence on The Scoop with Frank Chapparro, The What is Money Show with Robert Breedlove, and Bankless with Ryan Sean Adams and David Hoffman. On each of these episodes he put forth his primary vision for the blossoming of digital gold amidst a world of centralized luddites clinging to debt and over-collateralization.

“We have to think of the centralized bank, The Fed, and its member banks, as Uncle Sam Bankman Fried-Chicken. They’re serving us mouth watering numbers which have papered over a gaping hole in their balance sheet. If all the small wings and thighs roll up into the big four chicken breasts, the whole country will be run by KFC.”

Balaji appeared on multiple networks to discuss his Fried-Chicken metaphor.
Balaji appeared on multiple networks to discuss his Fried-Chicken metaphor.

Balaji’s bit signal has landed him interviews with mainstream media as well, such as the likes of Forbes. A journalist from that outfit, Katherine Meyerson had this to say of Srinivasan, “He’s got a track record of calling things accurately, having batted a thousand on the covid epidemic, where he rang the alarm in January several months before it all went haywire.”

Social-psychologist Gerard Fyor of New York University noted,

“There is a self-fulfilling prophecy to bold predictions that receive large amounts of media attention, wherein the culture becomes spellbound by the prospect itself, which can lead to the very outcome prognosticated.” To which he added, “My son also just texted me Doge coin to the moon. So there’s that too.”

Regardless of the outcome of his “bit signal”, Balaji has put Bitcoin back on the map, which is the mark of any good CMO.

Bitcoin is up 4% on the news.

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