Markets Rally on News SHIB and DOGE Expecting Puppies

DOWNTOWN — In the volatile and unpredictable world of cryptocurrencies, where virtual assets frequently adopt the guises of dicks, butts, HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu and even ugly ass primates, two coins have unapologetically seized the spotlight, captivating not just investors but also fervent devotees: SHIB and DOGE.

Though sharing common canine ancestry, the two breeds have a somewhat different foundational stock that has manifested itself through their respective online communities, price action and Westminster Kennel Club results.

DOGE, for instance, started as a joke and gradually gained a dedicated following due to its light-hearted and approachable nature, mild temperament and luxurious coat. SHIB Coin, on the other hand, emerged with a more experimental and decentralized approach, drawing attention for its meme-driven marketing and viral appeal, loyalty and heartiness. The debate on which is the better breed has been a long and bloody one with online altercations that would make even Michael Vick squeal.

However, fear of genetic health issues due to inbreeding and general irrelevancy and market decline have resulted in a truce being struck as it seems the two kennels have come to the same conclusion: combining their lineage is the only course of action in order to ensure survival.

The litter is expected some time in Q4, though no exact date has been announced. However, it has been leaked that both communities are engaged in token-weighted voting to determine the name of the new breed. On the shortlist are MUTT, FIDO, BITCH, MBF (Man’s Best Friend), and XTelsaSpaceX.

Regardless of which moniker wins out, fire hydrants, mail carriers, pumpers and even dumpers are all on high alert for this holiday season.

All of crypto is up 10% on the news.

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