WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise turn of events, crypto exchange Binance has announced that it will be acquiring the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). This comes shortly after and in reaction to the SEC announcing that it would be suing Binance.

"We are dropping all charges against Binance and Coinbase," said SEC Chairman Gary Gensler in a TikTok video this morning. "I see now that these exchanges are well-meaning and pushing forward innovation in our country. There are many reasons to allow them to grow and flourish. About 200 million reasons," Gensler said, winking.

"We figured, why not?" said CZ, CEO of Binance. "It's much easier than figuring out what the US stance on crypto will be from one day to the next. Now, we can just write those rules ourselves."

Some question the legality of a non-US entity coming in and buying US regulators. "It sets a bad precedent," said Judge Jeanette Williams. "What if more foreign companies come and decide to do this? We need to make sure that our regulators remain available to be bought by our own US companies."

BNB is up 13% on the news.

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