Ethereum Hijacked by Drug 'Cartel’

JALISCO — In a shocking turn of events, the world of cryptocurrencies has been rocked by the recent revelation of a Mexican drug cartel's alleged hijacking of Ethereum, the second-largest blockchain platform. This unprecedented incident has sent shockwaves through the crypto community, raising concerns about the potential abuse of decentralized technologies by criminal organizations.

Reports suggest that the notorious Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG) has managed to exploit vulnerabilities in the Ethereum network during the Shapella upgrade as core devs were “high on their own supply”, gaining unauthorized access and control over a significant portion of its operations.

It is thought the motivation behind this attack was the misguided pursuit of LSD(s) to extend its client “offerings”. This theory would seem to hold water as one of the cartels' only known weaknesses is initialisms; FBI, CIA and OMG have all tripped up the cartel in recent years, not to mention the LGBTQ+ fiasco.

While the details of the cartel's precise methods remain undisclosed, experts believe that their sophisticated gun wielding skills, commanding mustaches, vast resources and mountains of cocaine played a crucial role in this audacious endeavor.

This incident highlights the pressing need for enhanced security measures within the cryptocurrency ecosystem, as this and other criminal enterprises, such as the Gary Gensler Gang, adapt to exploit weaknesses for their gain.

As the world grapples with emerging challenges, it is crucial for regulators, developers, and stakeholders to collaborate closely in order to ensure a safe and dope free digital future.

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