FDIC Insurance Good Up To 250,000 or Whatever You Put in

NEW YORK CITY — In light of the recent bankruptcies of Silicon Valley Bank and Signature Bank, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation has issued a definitely in character blanket policy update. 

At an emergency press conference their spokesperson said, “While we can appreciate that our only liability was up to a quarter of a million dollars, as we’ve said for decades, in this instance we wanted to insure deposits up to a certain amount, or whatever depositors decided to keep at that bank, whichever is greater.”

A Financial Data Analyst Todd Carlson, from the Venture Capital firm Piranha Capital, had this to say about the recent FDIC maneuver, “There’s been a sense of panic across the nation that people’s money is no longer safe, but this is a clear message from the FDIC to all depositors that your money is safe, even if it isn’t fiscally responsible to insure that, such as with risky mortgage backed securities, venture capital, or if the bank lights were to light it on fire, no matter what, regardless of the amount.”

Silicon Valley Bank (SVB) marks the second largest bankruptcy in the history of American bankruptcies. A consultant for the Hedge Fund, There It Goes Wealth Management, Theresa Xiou, said this of SVB. “This is a bank that was overly positioning in risky tech stocks and nebulously legal cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin. Most of the major banks, and even credit unions have a much further decentralized scope and risk curve.” 

While it’s true that SVB did over position itself in both tech and crypto, the market itself has responded accordingly. 

Bitcoin is up 24% on the news.

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